A healthy relationship is one that is based on equality, shared power, and respect.
Following are two lists, one of healthy relationship characteristics and one of unhealthy traits. Many relationships have a combination of both. The point of this exercise is to figure out what things in your relationship are healthy or unhealthy, so you can gain appreciation for the best things and decide what you want to change. Read both lists and make note of the statements that are true about your relationship.
| Is it Healthy? |
Is it Unhealthy? |
| You and your partner... |
You or you partner... |
| Have fun together more often than not |
Gets extremely jealous or accuses the other of cheating |
| Each enjoy spending time separately, with your won friends, as well as with each other's friends |
Puts the other down by calling names, cursing or making the other feel bad about him or herself |
| Always feels safe with each other |
Yell at and treats the other like a child |
| Trust each other |
Doesn't take the other person, or things that are important to him/her, seriously |
| Are faithful to each other if you have made this commitment |
Doesn't listen when the other talks |
| Support each other's individual goals in life, like getting a job or going to colelge |
Frequently criticizes the other's friends or family |
| Respect each other's opinions, even when they are different |
Pressures the other for sex, or makes sex hurt or feel humiliating |
| Solve conflicts without putting each other down, cursing at each other or making threats |
Has ever threated to hurt the other or commit suicide if they leave |
| Both accept responsibility for your actions |
Cheats or threatens to cheat |
| Both apologize when you're wrong |
Tells the other how to dress |
| Have equal decision-making power about what you do in your relationship |
Has ever grabbed, pushed, hit, or physically hurt the other |
| Each control your own money |
Blames the other for your own behavior ("If you hadn't made me mad, I woulnd't have...") |
| Are proud to be with each other |
Embarrasses or humiliates the other |
| Encourage each other's interests -like sports and extracurricular activities |
Smashes, throws or destroys things |
| Have some privacy -your letters, diary, personal phone calls are respected as your own |
Tries to keep the other from having a job or furthering his/her education |
| Have close friends and family who like the other person and are happy about your relationship |
Makes all the decisions about what the two of you do |
| Never feel like you're being pressured for sex |
Tries to make the other feel crazy or play mind games |
| Communicate about sex, if your relationship is sexual |
Goes back on promises |
| Allow each other 'space' when you need it |
Acts controlling or possessive -like you own your partner |
| Always treat each other with respect |
Uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse for hurtful behavior |
| Ignores or withholds affection as a way of punishing the other |
|
| Depends completely on the other to meet social of emotional needs |
Source: 2001 Wellness Reproductions and Publishing Inc, 1-800-669-9208